i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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