The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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