4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I heard we made out
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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