I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
