People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
