dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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