Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
