i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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