dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just pee around me
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
