You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
