Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
