the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
