I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
