So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
