Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
