Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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