Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
