have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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