Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
