did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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