I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
