If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
