if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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