I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
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