i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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