the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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