The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I have post one night stand depression
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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