Sry I called you an 8
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
