Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
