Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
