I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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