Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize
