Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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