guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
he fucked my hip out of place.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
