I could have mohawked her pubes.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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