Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
