I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
