Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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