She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
