I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Randomize
