all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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