seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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