And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
