We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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