Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
