After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
