3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
