Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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