Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
