listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
