sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
