look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
