On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
