Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
