But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
