I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
