Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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