hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
