Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
