This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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