my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
