The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
So gin and wine won't be happening again
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
