i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
