I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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