you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
