I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
