the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I smell like Dick and happiness
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
