My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Randomize
