Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I believe in your delicious
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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