She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
