She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
