Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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