Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
