he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I showed him my bush... on skype.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
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